he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
