that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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