i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
