you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
