Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i've created a new STD.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
