Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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