The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
