i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
