Only a mothe r could love this liver
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
