dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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