You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Houston, we have a blender
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
