she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
