There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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