so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's always time for handjobs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize