he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
then he tried to convert me to islam
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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