He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
