She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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