i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
