Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
