tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
