Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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