I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize