Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
