Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
