dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
