the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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