the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
