Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
