sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
