Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
