Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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