Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
