i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
