I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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