First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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