We got so high we made milksteak
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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