It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
