We won't sleep together?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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