Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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