Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
