Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Buhtt sex?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
