It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
