I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
