i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
