my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
pop tarts are not kleenex
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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