You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
