Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
