I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
