my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
