I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
