Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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