I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
