This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
