so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
