This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize