I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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