No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
