he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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