I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
