it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
