So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize