No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
