I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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