You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i think i just lost a toe
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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