You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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