and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
