plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize