shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
