I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
