I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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