He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
