I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's blow job season.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
