Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
