Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
