I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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