I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
