maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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