I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
