Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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